Blog - Don Barry Counseling Services

So, what’s so good about men? Sounds like an introduction from a female stand-up comic routine, right? Or maybe part of a conversation between supportive friends after a bad break-up. Actually this is more of a provocative question than perhaps considered at first glance. But think about it.

Consider the kind of responses you might hear related to the subject of what are some examples of exclusive positive female attributes. “Kind, gentle, caring, nurturing and compassionate” will represent some of the references commonly used to describe women. Now, let us query accolades associated with men. Anticipated feedback may well include indications such as” strong, assertive and driven”.

But such terms can be similarly be applied to women. In fact, to propose that men are exclusively gifted by nature of gender infers that women are somehow deficient or lesser. Such beliefs can be interpreted as blasphemous. No ethical person should want to detract from the multitude of courageous strides women have made over recent decades.

These successes are undeniable and have been responsible for highlighting the amazing array of legitimate talents and virtues deserved solely by our distaff partners. To fail to acknowledge the uniqueness of women is a veritable social slur indicative of severe insult on the basis of disrespect and irreverence, as rooted in ignorance. But on the other hand, are men entitled to any positive masculine qualifiers? There are plenty of pejorative descriptors of males (aggressive, hostile, forceful, attacking, violent.) But what are the merits of men in today’s world?

Are men worthy of any distinctive affirmation and subsequent recognition? Can we find a clear path for men to walk in harmony with our revered sisters on this planet? I believe this is a topic worthy of further discussion. Additional communication should afford much to clarify this curious, albeit murky, subject. Let us search together for the solutions.

We are all better off living in a world manifest in the spirit of harmony and mutual respect Please feel free to contribute by sharing thoughts and feelings to this discussion. So, please tell me “what’s so good about men”?

shame word The problem with coming to terms with guilt and shame is that the thought processes and emotional influences that were affecting our decision making capabilities at one time are later obscured. Previous rationale can no longer be brought to conscious mind.

At the time of a particular episode, the emotional vectors involved were aligned in a way that made sense at the time but no longer do so. Our normal patterns of logic, morality, and ethics are suspended under pressure and stress. It is difficult to understand, in the present, the previously prevailing (obscured) thoughts which took place in the past.

We do not always have control of the influences of thoughts under altered conditions and emotional states. What a curious phenomena it is to make poor choices under the influence of fear and doubt. It is like a drunkard failing to interpret his prior intoxicated behavior when sobriety returns. Therefore, pondering the “why” and “how” of how we made such mistakes may be essentially a futile exercise in frustration and may only serve to engender further anguish and mental pain.

Allow for the exceptions of human conditions. Accept subsequent forgiveness in spite of the loss of cogent understanding. Just greet self kindness as worthwhile and healing as sacred. This is God’s gift to be chosen. Try to do this without reservation. Know that this is the only rightly option. Do not argue with justification for forgiveness. Choose holiness, especially when feeling undeserved. Thou shalt love thyself.

Sometimes we do things that are so out of character we have a hard time understanding such actions. Realize that we are given to fits of “temporary insanity”. This is part of the human condition. During such events trying to figure things out through logic is impossible.

Therefore, every day, force yourself to do things that don’t come easy but are, in fact, progressive. This applies to our relationships with ourselves and others, and all other prevailing challenges (work, family, healthy mind, body, spirit, etc.). Make something good out of something bad such that our life, and the lives of those surrounding us, can benefit.

Take into consideration that, inexplicably, our plight may be better than what might have been had we not committed our sins. Besides, you are not that person anymore. That person exists only as a memory and is not a reflection of who we are right now, today, in this moment. Love yourself as you are a child God. Love yourself as do those who love you. Forgive without prejudice.

See rigid perfectionism as self defeating and a waste of precious time. Aspire to live a life transcended. In reality our past does not exist in this physical world. It only appears in the mind as non-objective memory. No need to punish. Pray to God despite skepticism. Ask for healing and the power to be the best you can be.

You are your Father’s sons and daughters. Your Father loves you and understands completely all flaws and foibles. See mistakes as new opportunities to learn to make the world a better place for all creatures in all walks of life. Be brave and honest. Speak, think and do with loving gentleness, compassion, kindness and commitment. Such are the virtues of acceptance.

So, What’s So Good About Men?

Coming to Terms with Guilt and Shame